"What therefore God has joined together,
let no man separate."
Living together and having a heterosexual relationship does not constitute "becoming one flesh" or being "joined together" with God's blessing. The Bible does not define this as "marriage," but instead uses the word "fornication," which is sin. Two people of the same sex living together having a sexual relationship is not defined as "marriage," but is defined as "sodomy" (homosexuality or lesbianism, Rom. 1:25-28) and is also sin. Marriage by God's standards includes the following:
1. One man and one woman (Adam and Eve, not Annie and Eve or Adam and Steve).
SIN PROBLEMS AND SOLUTIONS
OLD TESTAMENT
IMMORALITY IN MARRIAGE
ADULTERY
– GOD'S LEGAL LIMITATIONS
Deuteronomy 17:4-7 ...and if it
is told you and you have heard of it, then you shall inquire thoroughly.
Behold, if it is true and the thing certain that this detestable thing
has been done in Israel, then you shall bring out that man or that woman
who has done this evil deed to your gates, that is, the man or the woman,
and you shall stone them to death. On the evidence of two witnesses
or three witnesses, he who is to die shall be put to death; he shall
not be put to death on the evidence of one witness. The hand of the [at
least two eye] witnesses shall be first against him to put him to
death, and afterward the hand of all the people. So you shall purge the
evil from your midst.
Deuteronomy 19:15 A single witness
shall not rise up against a man on account of any iniquity or any sin which
he has committed; on the evidence of two or three [eye]witnesses
a matter shall be confirmed.
Numbers 5:13 ...and a man has intercourse
with her and it is hidden from the eyes of her husband and she is undetected,
although she has defiled herself, and there is no witness against her
and she has not been caught in the act [eye witnesses],
GOD'S LEGAL LIMITATIONS CONCERNING DIVORCE
Deuteronomy 24:1-4
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds
no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her [during
the betrothal period], and he writes her a certificate of divorce
and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house[hold],
and she leaves his house[hold] and goes and becomes another man’s wife,
and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate
of divorce and puts it in her hand [during the betrothal period] and
sends
her out of his house[hold], or if the latter husband dies who took
her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed
to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that
is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land
which the Lord your God gives you as an inheritance."
OLD TESTAMENT EXAMPLES OF NO DIVORCE AFTER TWO "ARE JOINED TOGETHER"
1. If a man found a virgin girl and had relations with
her, and they were discovered, he must give the girl's father fifty
shekels of silver, marry the girl, and "was not allowed to divorce her
all of his days." (This was according to Deut.
22:28-30.)
2. In Num. 5:12-28 a husband
with a jealous spirit [after they have become one flesh], he was
to bring his wife to the priest with a grain offering of jealousy.
The priest was to then take holy water in an earthenware vessel, mix it
with some dust from the floor of the tabernacle, and have the wife drink
it in front of the Lord. If the woman was unfaithful her stomach
would swell and her thigh waste away, and she would become a curse among
her people. If the woman was not defiled, she was then free
and conceived children. In either case, divorce was not allowed.
3. If a man falsely accuses his wife of not being a virgin when
he first "goes into her," and her parents bring out the evidence
of her virginity, he is fined 100 shekels of silver. In addition
"he is not allowed to divorce her all of his days." This was
according to Deut. 22:13-19.
OTHER EXAMPLES
1. If an engaged woman willingly had relations with another man, they
both were to be put to death
–
she, because she did not scream, and he,
because he committed adultery. This was according to Deut.
22:24. However, if the woman
did not consent, and screamed out, she was allowed to live, but the man
was to be put to death. (This was according to Deut.22:25-27.)
2. If a man accused his wife of not being a virgin before marrying
him, as she had claimed, and it was found to be true at the first "joining
together," the wife was stoned to death for playing the harlot. This
was according to Deut. 22:20-21.
3. In the case of an unfaithful wife who was caught
in the act of adultery, or a married man who was caught in
adultery, the Israelites were commanded to put both the man and woman
to death. There had to be two or more eyewitnesses in all situations involving
capital punishment. This was according to
Lev.
20:10, and Deut.17:4-7; 22:22.
4. If a man was married to a woman and during the betrothal period
he found some indecency in her
before they were "joined together,"
he
was allowed to write her a certificate of divorce. He was
not ever allowed to remarry her. (This was according to Deut.
24:1-4.) (Joseph was going to do
this to Mary until the angel revealed to him that she conceived the baby
by the Holy Spirit.)
5. The woman who was given a certificate of divorce because
of some kind of indecency, was allowed to be married to another
man, but she was not allowed to ever remarry the betrothed husband that
gave her a certificate of divorce. (This is according to Deut.
24:2.)
NOTE: Women in the Old Testament never had an
option at any time to obtain a certificate of divorce or question her husband's
unfaithfulness.
THE BIBLE IS CONSISTENT – NO DIVORCE AFTER "TWO BECOME ONE"
Some erroneously believe that verses such as Matt. 5:32 and Matt. 19:9 allow for divorce (after the two become one) if there is immorality in the marriage. These verses only allow the man to divorce his wife, not the wife divorce her husband, and then only during the betrothal (engagement) period as clearly found in Deut. 22:13-19, and Deut. 24:1-4, the cross-references given for the above Matthew verses in any reputable study Bible. A good example of this is the following situation with Joseph and Mary:
Matthew 1:18-20,24-25 Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: when His mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child by the Holy Spirit. And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned to send her away secretly. But when he had considered this, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife; for the Child who has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit." And Joseph awoke from his sleep and did as the angel of the Lord commanded him, and took Mary as his wife, but kept her a virgin until she gave birth to a Son; and he called His name Jesus.TO INITIATE DIVORCE IS ADULTERY
[and teaching that divorce is ever allowed
is sin]
MARITAL SITUATIONS (NEW TESTAMENT)
NOTE: God’s Word is usually written in the male gender in a generic sense. (Example: Titus2:3-4 "This is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.") This does not mean God does not want women to be saved, just because it is written in the male gender. Thus, in many of the following New Testament verses the principle applies even when the genders are reversed, e.g., in I Cor. 7:11 it is also true that a man should not leave (divorce) his wife; and if he does he is not allowed to marry (unless he reconciles with his wife). Also, if a wife has been divorced by her husband, she is called to peace, and may marry again, within the guidelines of God’s word – I Cor. 7:15, 27-28.
Chapter 7 of I Corinthians addresses
marital situations and guidelines for three types of people: VIRGINS
–
those
who have never been married; WIDOWS
–
those who have lost their spouse through
death; and UNMARRIED
–
those who have either divorced their spouse, or have
been divorced by their spouse:
1. If the widows and the unmarried, whose spouses
have deserted them, are not gifted to be single, they are encouraged to
pursue their gift of marriage, for it is better to marry than to burn.
This is found in 1 Cor. 7:9, 28, 40.
However, if these unmarried people and the widows do have the gift
of singleness, they may remain single, and not seek a wife. This
is found in 1 Cor. 7:8, 27.
2. Once a man and woman are married they
are to stay married for life. This is according to 1
Cor. 7:10,11,27,39; (Matt.19:3;Mark
10:11-12; Luke 16:18 and
Rom.
7:1-3).
3. If a wife leaves her husband, she has
divorced him, and is to remain "unmarried," or be reconciled to her husband.
If she does NOT repent, and refuses to submit to church discipline, she
is then to be looked upon as a gentile and a tax gatherer (unbeliever). (This is according to 1 Cor. 7:10,11
and Matt. 18:17.)
4. If a Christian woman is married to an
unbelieving husband who consents to live with her; she is NOT to send him
away. However, if the unbelieving husband leaves, let him leave. The woman is no longer under bondage, she is called to peace. (This is
according to
1 Cor. 7:13, 15.)
5. If a Christian man is married to an
unbelieving wife, and she consents to live with him, he is NOT to send
her away. However, if she decides to leave, let her leave. The man
is no longer under bondage, but he is called to peace. (This is according
to 1 Cor. 7:12,15.)
SUMMARY
HUSBANDS
The believing husband, ideally, is to follow
Christ’s example and have only one wife in his lifetime. He is the
head of his wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church (Eph.
5:23,24). He should not divorce
his wife (1 Cor. 7:11).
If his wife chooses to leave (divorce) him, he has these options:
1. He may wait for her to reconcile, and come
back (1 Cor.7:11).
He is not commanded to wait, the choice is his.
2. If she remains carnal after church discipline,
(Matt. 18:15-18)
she is living like an "unbeliever" in her walk. She can then be categorized
by him as an “unbelieving [unfaithful] one” that Paul speaks of in 1
Cor. 7:15. (She, of course, is still
saved . You CANNOT lose eternal life in Jesus Christ.
3. After it is established that she is
an “unbelieving one” by the local church body, the husband then has the
right to obtain a certificate of divorce on the grounds of desertion, understanding
that he is not divorcing her, he is only verifying what she has already done (Jer. 3:6-8).
He is following civil law (Rom. 13:1),
establishing his new legal status as “unmarried” or divorced.
4. Because his wife is considered an “unbelieving
one,” he can choose to remarry if he wishes to (1
Cor. 7:27-28). He has been called to peace
(1 Cor. 7:15).
If he lacks self-control, it is better that he remarries (1
Cor. 7:9). If he does decide to remarry,
he has not sinned, but he may have trouble in this life (1
Cor. 7:28). He can also choose to
remain "unmarried" if that is his desire (1
Cor. 7:8, 27,32,35).
5. A husband following the above options is in
not in violation of 1 Cor. 7:11. Notice in 1 Cor. 7:11 that
it is only the
person who initiates the divorce who is commanded to "remain unmarried."
And a husband who gives his wife a certificate of divorce after she has
divorced (left) him is correctly protecting himself from bigamy, lawsuits,
financial liability, etc., under the civil law. See #3.
If the believing husband leaves his wife or puts
her out:
1. He is to remain unmarried, or be reconciled
to his wife (1 Cor. 7:11).
2. If he decides to ignore church
discipline (Matt. 18)
and remains carnal, he then becomes the “unbelieving” or "unfaithful"
(though still saved) husband that Paul speaks of in 1
Cor. 7:15. He is no longer walking in
the Spirit, he has gone back to the flesh.
3. He is still bound to her for as long
as she lives. This is according to Rom.
7:2; and 1Cor.
7:10,39. He is to "REMAIN UNMARRIED" or
to be reconciled to his wife (1Cor. 7:11).
If he marries another woman after having divorced (left) his first wife,
he and the woman are both committing adultery (Mark
10:12).
WIVES
The believing wife ideally should have only one
husband in her lifetime. She is to follow Christ’s commands to be
a type of “bride of Christ” which Jesus would like to marry. References:
Eph.
5:22,31,32;
and Rom. 7:2.
She is not to divorce (leave) her husband (1
Cor. 7:10,39). If she does leave her husband
or puts him out, the following apply:
1. She is to remain unmarried, or be reconciled
to her husband. She is symbolized as a “type of Israel” who has left
her husband (Hosea 14:1,2 and
1 Cor. 7:11).
2. If she decides to ignore church
discipline (Matt. 18)
and remains carnal, she then becomes the “unbelieving” or "unfaithful"
(though still saved) wife that Paul speaks of in 1
Cor. 7:15. She is no longer walking
in the Spirit; she has gone back to the flesh.
3. She is still bound to him for as long
as he lives. This is according to Rom.
7:2 and 1Cor.
7:10,39.
She is to "REMAIN UNMARRIED" or to be reconciled to her husband (1Cor.
7:11). If she marries another man
after having divorced (left) her first husband, she and the man are both
committing adultery (Mark 10:12).
If her husband leaves her or puts her out:
1. She may wait for him to reconcile, and come
back (1 Cor.7:11).
She is not commanded to wait, the choice is hers.
2. If he remains carnal after church discipline,
(Matt. 18:15-18)
he is living like an "unbeliever" in his walk. He can then be categorized
by her as an “unbelieving [unfaithful] one” that Paul speaks of in 1
Cor. 7:15. (He, of course, is still
saved . You CANNOT lose eternal life in Jesus Christ.
3. After it is established that he is an
“unbelieving one” by the local church body, the wife then has the right
to obtain a certificate of divorce on the grounds of desertion, understanding
that she is not divorcing him, she is only verifying what he has already
done (Jer. 3:6-8).
She is following civil law (Rom. 13:1),
establishing her new legal status as “unmarried” or divorced.
4. Because her husband is considered an
“unbelieving one,” she can choose to remarry if she wishes to (1
Cor. 7:27-28). She has been called to
peace (1 Cor. 7:15).
If she lacks self control, it is better that she remarries (1
Cor. 7:9). If she does decide to remarry,
she has not sinned, but she may have trouble in this life (1
Cor. 7:28). She can also choose
to remain "unmarried" if that is her desire (1
Cor. 7:8, 27,32,35).
5. A wife following the above action is
not in violation of 1 Cor. 7:11. Notice in 1 Cor. 7:11 that
it is only the
person who initiates the divorce who is commanded to "remain unmarried."
And a wife who gives her husband a certificate of divorce after he has
divorced (left) her, is correctly protecting herself from bigamy, lawsuits,
financial liability, etc., under the civil law. See #3.
6. In I Tim.
5:14, women under 60 years of age are
encouraged to remarry if they are not under the ban of I
Cor. 7:11.
The spiritual, obedient Christian is never to divorce, under any condition, after "the two become one flesh." When a couple marries, they should vow before God “until death do we part,” not "until death or immorality (or anything else) do we part!" This means that nothing will part, separate, or divorce the two of them but death. They must keep their vows (Deut.23:21-23). This is also a picture of the eternal relationship between our Lord Jesus Christ and we, His Bride.